Sunday, September 2, 2007

Triumphalism

i haven't been blogging much lately-
part of it is that i have been busier than ever before
part of it is that i have been happier lately and i don't blog happiness as easily as melancholy and
part of it is, was. . .

embarrassment and fear.

We took a leap of faith in moving here, with no cars and only one job. on the outside, and even sometimes from the inside, that made me look/feel crazy at times. Who does that? Who moves with three year old without a place to live or transportation?

A desperate person can sometimes seem crazy- or be crazy.

I think i was a little crazy!

But i don't think the craziness was in the moving, but in the staying so damn long against myself, my own needs and wants.

Our lives were out of control, because we had given up control to someone not at all fit to make any decisions for us! That is what we did, in essence, by allowing ourselves- myself- to be manipulated so extensively.

Mayhem ensued.

Emotionally, psychologically, maritally...financially. All out of control.
I was bereft of any power over my own life because i had given it to someone else a long time ago and i didn't know how to get it back, how to appropriate it for myself.

So i did all i could, i moved. With no job or car, with nothing except enough money to last a little while.
Crazy move, but the only one i could live with.


So i haven't blogged about the transition because i wasn't sure what would become of us and i was embarrassed by it all, the irresponsibility!

At the same time i was praying for the opportunity to take responsibility and authority over my own life, i was feeling my most irresponsible and resource-less.

But i thought you should know,
now that I know, now that i know how the Universe has answered that
Crazy Leap of Faith:

We both got cars, great cars from carmax!

My job is what i asked for and expected and i am grateful for it!

Chris got the job we needed to make it here, in Chicago- a major promotion-- doubled his salary!

We feel great about our crazy decision. Sometimes a person has to get a little desperate to make a necessary chage- rock bottom or what you will.

Thank you for your patience and for the hand-holding.

more to come.

7 comments:

aola said...

It took great courage and strength of character to do what you guys have done... and look at you now!!

HOO RAY for Erica and Chris!!!!!!

You guys Rock hard.

Kristen said...

"But i don't think the craziness was in the moving, but in the staying so damn long against myself, my own needs and wants." Yes, yes, yes.

I am so proud and happy for you guys. Congrats on the job for Chris.

Sandra said...

I wouldn't call it crazy. I would call it brave. Having a car and job only relate to material things. Living the life you plan and chose is the truly important stuff.

Melissa said...

SOOO awesome, E!! And even before I got to all of the wonderful results of your faith, I saw you as brave and strong, not as weak or anything near crazy. Good for you for doing what you needed too! Sometimes there truly is only one option. Congrats to your jobs and cars!! Can't wait to hear more!! :)

anj said...

Surely there is always what looks like a little crazy in brave. I know it was crazy for me to separate from my first husband with three children under four and no work experience for four years, and no job.

But taking back power that we have wrongly given to another is, I think, living in the fullness of the gifts we have been given.

It is so good to hear from you.

cv said...

So many times have good things come out of 'THIS WILL NOT STAND, I WILL NOT TAKE THIS ONE MORE DAY!!"

I am thrilled you are back online, and even happier to hear of your new and much improved situation!

Becky said...

sounds so familiar. . .
congrats

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