i haven't been blogging much lately-
part of it is that i have been busier than ever before
part of it is that i have been happier lately and i don't blog happiness as easily as melancholy and
part of it is, was. . .
embarrassment and fear.
We took a leap of faith in moving here, with no cars and only one job. on the outside, and even sometimes from the inside, that made me look/feel crazy at times. Who does that? Who moves with three year old without a place to live or transportation?
A desperate person can sometimes seem crazy- or be crazy.
I think i was a little crazy!
But i don't think the craziness was in the moving, but in the staying so damn long against myself, my own needs and wants.
Our lives were out of control, because we had given up control to someone not at all fit to make any decisions for us! That is what we did, in essence, by allowing ourselves- myself- to be manipulated so extensively.
Emotionally, psychologically, maritally...financially. All out of control.
I was bereft of any power over my own life because i had given it to someone else a long time ago and i didn't know how to get it back, how to appropriate it for myself.
So i did all i could, i moved. With no job or car, with nothing except enough money to last a little while.
Crazy move, but the only one i could live with.
So i haven't blogged about the transition because i wasn't sure what would become of us and i was embarrassed by it all, the irresponsibility!
At the same time i was praying for the opportunity to take responsibility and authority over my own life, i was feeling my most irresponsible and resource-less.
But i thought you should know,
now that I know, now that i know how the Universe has answered that
Crazy Leap of Faith:
We both got cars, great cars from carmax!
My job is what i asked for and expected and i am grateful for it!
Chris got the job we needed to make it here, in Chicago- a major promotion-- doubled his salary!
We feel great about our crazy decision. Sometimes a person has to get a little desperate to make a necessary chage- rock bottom or what you will.
Thank you for your patience and for the hand-holding.
more to come.