Wednesday, September 19, 2007


i am in suddenly so responsible. no, scratch that. I am suddenly exceedingly aware of all my responsibilities and...
not that good at meeting them, though i am trying.
i Am Trying.
And still this job is kicking my butt. so much stuff to do and all of it multi-tasking and detail-oriented. MURDER!
it is killing me.

In other news, we have moved into a townhome. Really nice. it has a really nice layout! I have three levels. the first is a two-car garage and a room for Chris to play music in, the second and main floor is wooden througout- the kitchen, breakfast nook, dining room and living room. The upstairs is nicely carpeted, has a HUGE master bedroom and two other smaller rooms... one for Judah and one for my office.
and the boxes Are Everywhere.

the stress has been sky-high lately.

Monday, September 3, 2007

Moving Again

not away from Chicago! but we are hoping to secure a new little nest in the next week or so.

We met a realtor at a townhome this morning and it was a really good layout for us, near to an excellent elementary school, near to our friends.

There were, as to be expected, some minor details about the home that were less desirable to me. I am hoping that we could, should we get the place, change out the lighting.

Toward that end, we spent some two hours getting dazed and, yes, confused! at Ikea. I actually felt dizzed by the frenzy.

I have been hemmed in by traditionalist taste all my life and i have no idea how to be creative with fashion or home decor with any degree of self- confidence. Still, i think this part should be fun, so i am trying to get over my need for "correctness" in decorating myself or my place.

I've spent some time looking at funky wallpaper and cushions and i am thinking i will start there.
oh, and I think we are getting an ORANGE! couch.

if anyone out there has any good reasons why i should not be joined to an orange couch, please speak up.

Sunday, September 2, 2007


i haven't been blogging much lately-
part of it is that i have been busier than ever before
part of it is that i have been happier lately and i don't blog happiness as easily as melancholy and
part of it is, was. . .

embarrassment and fear.

We took a leap of faith in moving here, with no cars and only one job. on the outside, and even sometimes from the inside, that made me look/feel crazy at times. Who does that? Who moves with three year old without a place to live or transportation?

A desperate person can sometimes seem crazy- or be crazy.

I think i was a little crazy!

But i don't think the craziness was in the moving, but in the staying so damn long against myself, my own needs and wants.

Our lives were out of control, because we had given up control to someone not at all fit to make any decisions for us! That is what we did, in essence, by allowing ourselves- myself- to be manipulated so extensively.

Mayhem ensued.

Emotionally, psychologically, maritally...financially. All out of control.
I was bereft of any power over my own life because i had given it to someone else a long time ago and i didn't know how to get it back, how to appropriate it for myself.

So i did all i could, i moved. With no job or car, with nothing except enough money to last a little while.
Crazy move, but the only one i could live with.

So i haven't blogged about the transition because i wasn't sure what would become of us and i was embarrassed by it all, the irresponsibility!

At the same time i was praying for the opportunity to take responsibility and authority over my own life, i was feeling my most irresponsible and resource-less.

But i thought you should know,
now that I know, now that i know how the Universe has answered that
Crazy Leap of Faith:

We both got cars, great cars from carmax!

My job is what i asked for and expected and i am grateful for it!

Chris got the job we needed to make it here, in Chicago- a major promotion-- doubled his salary!

We feel great about our crazy decision. Sometimes a person has to get a little desperate to make a necessary chage- rock bottom or what you will.

Thank you for your patience and for the hand-holding.

more to come.


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