Wednesday, August 29, 2007


They say it is inevitable and that it is "good", they do. I have been Change's protege and her help-maiden, her slave and her beneficiary, it seems.

I have been dropping dead, passing out at around ten nearly every night. I multi-task all day long and by ten o'clock i am done-in. I am completely off the mark with my weight too, and have been irregular in ways i never am... pleasant! and if that doesn't convince you i am in over my head, then consider the fact that i had my first ever case of ... was it vertigo? i just felt, for the better part of more than three hours, that i had been on some crazy carnival ride.

It is kind of getting to me.

Still, there is good in Chicago for me. I earn more, which is nice right now and we are looking at property and getting used to ourselves in a different zip code. Judah seems to be doing really well, seems to like his pre-school, seems to laugh harder and more often now. Either that or i notice it more fully now and either way, or both- i feel sturdier because of it. I take heart in Judah's belly laughter.

We are with friends (different ones than intially) who are taking such an amazing attitude about our presence and really welcoming Judah into their fold. (Liz's link is Online Therapy-she has some too cute posts about our too cute kids being too cute together). Their open door has been the difference-making factor in our being able to take root here at all. We're going to try to stay by them wherever we move.

Chris has an important meeting tomorrow at two so if you pray, please do so for him.

I am gearing up for fall in terms of FASHION!! i am really looking forward to shopping Simply Vera at Kohl's this fall. In other news, i've got an awkwardish haircut and ten extra pounds dampening my excitement. ah, ambivalence.

Sunday, August 5, 2007

Mavis Beacon

it is late and i am tired and i cannot see the keys on the board and i am a horrible typist. It seems to be one of those things that everyone else gets and i do not, like i was absent that day and i missed the crucial typing lesson. I am finding out, at this moment, that i am better than i thought and still very bad indeed.

We are staying with friends in a very small space in a suburb of Chicago. I feel i am a burden, a leech and that is a horrid unpleasant feeling.

The further i get into my life here, the more unfamiliar the territory of emotions gets for me. I am sometimes happy, sometimes unreasonably tired, sometimes energetic and other times i get caught in a off-color mood. Change is hard i think, and we have had nothing of stability for what feels like forever now. I try not to expect my feelings to be all sameness and reliability, but that would be so nice right now.

i am behind on everybody else's life, i miss you girls.


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