Wednesday, August 20, 2008

the moon

I am a mess this week in a really quiet and productive way. We are packing. I am running errands. I have done things the last few days that make me deeply proud of myself: things like getting the recalled part on my car door replaced. getting copies of judah's birth certificate. getting mail forwarded.

i have not gotten a job or a place to live and I have a week before i will be leaving the shelter of my townhome-- in which i am quite comfortable.

I am not too worried, but i think i should be. it is a lot for me to deal with. I think of Sandra in her home, i think of Becky in her home and I think that they have made it safely and that so will I.

Judah is with my parents and i miss him. I am, however, grateful for the space to process this move. it deserves processing. It is the continuation of a conversation I am having with God. I want to say my words, I want God to respond and i want to hear it. I do. Whatever is said, I want to hear.

I am not sure i would recommend the path I am on.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


i bought two pairs of shoes while i was in texas. they look really good on my feet. better, maybe, than in the pictures. I got them for a song. i wish i meant that literally--because I LOVE to sing. did you know that? once kristen and I led worship together. she played the guitar and i sang. really!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Return of the Native

I've been in Texas.

Interesting things happen in Texas for me, to me--by me. Texas is like that place they sing about in Total Eclipse of the Heart-- we're living in a ... is it pollygag? polliwog? ... I give off SPARKS in Texas.

I always breathe a sigh of relief when i get into Oklahoma or Texas, though I probably should not.

My sister refused to walk the stage at her graduation. I had to convince her to come to her own graduation party scheduled for the next day. I mediated, made peace for them. that is no big surprise, but this time people, like my parents, said thank you to me. that is a positive step forward.

I also made it very clear that I would not ever intervene the way that i did again. I had to kiss my own incredibly spoiled little sister's emotional butt, if you will, to get her to come to the party. It made me angry and I let my parents know it. They said they wouldn't ever ask me again.

at least not for a long time, i am sure.

I also asked them to help me with my move to Boston. My dad is trying to see if he can help us drive from Chicago to Boston.

that is a bunch of steps forward.

He and Chris got along fine.

olympian strides taken there.

I still need a job in Boston.
I am not scared. yet.


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