Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Sick is not how i pictured it! or I like to think i would be Lucy Liu.

maybe it was the shots. I am sick! i don't get sick, really. I am the last to get sick My sister or roomate can get sick and i won't. Judah and Chris will be laid up with Ebola and i can go for a walk, come make them soup, snuggle them, and i am fine the whole time. I am the last to get sick.


I had another class today and it became apparent to me that i am much much older than lots of college kids. More than age, really, i am older in the sense that i have been around. I have been places. I have had judah and been with Chris for eight years. I have had the struggle of my life, it seems.

They are twenty-ish and look like the places they have been include and are limited to Wet Seal and Forever 21.
I am trying to remember not to be condescending but i am not sure it isn't natural...
in other news, my mom sent me earrings for no reason.
which created a minute but detectable shift of the earth on its axis. Polar bears can tell because they got a little more time to chase those seals we shouldn't be clubbing.
Really, who exactly clubs a baby seal? Why a club?
I digress, i know. The people in latin america noticed because their siestas inexplicably lasted one minute longer, with no effort on anyone's part.

The earrings are pretty and gold and came accompanied by a matching ring that i would like enough if it fit my proper finger.

pretty. i just don't know what it means.

and finally, Kristen, KRISTEN ARE YOU THERE? i am now watching Project Runway which is bound to make us grow oh so close. I like Sweet P.

I also watch a little bit of Cashmere Mafia.

Who is the fallen mighty now? I never get hooked on that stuff: sex and the c. or desperate housesluts. I never get pulled into this stuff. And i never get sick.

well, hardly.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

the way up

i generally regard 2008 to be my year of The Climb... I sense i am at the foot of a mountain, the top will be my Actualized Life. I know, God help all his children who took too many psych classes!

I am so glad to be here. I feel like everything i am doing, and i am doing a LOT, is getting me closer to who i want to be. I know it. It is a conviction, my dears. So the work thing, it doesn't bother me. I can deal with my work.

Because it means I can go to my school. I am very very verrrry (roll the R) happy to be back at Wheaton, i love it! i had my first class today and i wanted to cry i felt so happy. But i didn't, i just smiled a lot.

I also got three shots today. I narrowly avoided a pap smear (rescheduled). the school keeps tabs on its students! the shots were mandatory. the physical is too. the pap is cause i am a big girl and know it is best for me... otherwise i would say no thanks.

Judah and i both go to school and he finds this really interesting. he likes to ask me if i get a play time or a nap time and i had to tell him that his school is way better than mine. no naps are scheduled, anyway.

i got an ipod for christmas.
good night.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008


i have been a person who loves to make New Year's Resolutions. I love it.

Even when i am making simple changes, i'll wait for a sunday so that the change has a proper commencement.

But the turn of this year is different. I am a little spent on all the changes i have recently made to think that i can make some more changes.

though i would like to think so, but i can't even muster up the energy for a list.

and you know that all real sustaninable change begins with a list- nice penmanship increases the likelihood that it will come to pass, too.

No, I am not feeling change-y. i am not feeling like i can. or will.

i will probably just continue gaining weight.
and not finish my degree.
i will probably still be surrounded by my clutter twelve months from now
i will not have visited the chiropractor
nor the dentist
Judah will probably stay up past ten every night and
we'll eat from the frozen section
when we don't eat out
i won't exercise and then i will drop the ball on going to the Dells this summer because i refuse to get in a bathing suit
i won't save a dime or pay my bills on time.
i'll snack too much and blog too little.
i won't buy the Differin that my poor stressed out skin needs.

eeek! i have so much to do!

That said: some plans!

I will lose ten pounds by Febuary 14th. I will then lose another five by my birthday, March 13th. After i lose fifteen pounds, on my birthday, i will spend money on something nice for myself as a reward and a congratulations!
I will go out on a real date for Valentine's Day.

Judah will start going to bed on time again. On time is nine. NINE!!!
i will learn ten new recipes in five months.

I will visit the chiro and the dentist and, though i could definitely think of much more better ways to spend my time, i need to visit the gyno too. it is time.

i will love myself, trust myself, listen and learn myself.

change can happen even when I don't have the energy of a false sense of invincibility,


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