Friday, June 8, 2007

Chicago-bound

I anticipate a few more posts like this one, each one a little more declarative, less tentative.

When we moved to Tulsa, I felt like i was turning in my real thesis, the one i have been working on without knowing, the one about My Life.
It seemed to me that i had acquired lots and lots of information and had plenty of evidence to support my thesis:
I know what is best for me, i know i want to move, i know the world, though not perfect is not so harsh that i cannot take this risk.

I also know that my life is My Homework, My Assignment. I know that i am meant to live it governed by my faculties, making my own mistakes so that i can also fully own all my triumphs.

In the end analysis, this road isn't about my dad and how bad he is. It is about how i see things, how i see the world. I don't see it as rigged, in totality, against me. I don't see rootedness as my immediate goal, though one day i hope to God to get there. I see different commodities as more immediate necessities. I think that is okay, valid, even if my dad's way really works for him. I conjecture that my way is what will work for me. More than one right answer, a thesis is about supporting your views.
the past three years have been about acquiring the perspective and experience to support my own views. they are different, slightly bohemian and sometimes a little bit radical. they will change over time. But i will not sell-out, whole-sale style, to someone else's views ever again.
I am committed to myself. I am committed to myself.


So when i set out for Tulsa, it was turning in my Life's thesis: I was ready to be graded on my own work. I literally said to the Universe, Here i am: Support Me in This Trajectory or Slit my Throat. Like that was the subtitle.

Two weeks ago I got a call from the company i want to work for.
I got the job.
They want me there in a month.
aye yai yai.

5 comments:

Thunder Jones said...

Screw Chicago, you guys need to move to Nashville.

R said...

awesome! i think we are all working on the thesis of our lives, though I don't know when we'll be asked to hand it in.

Sandra said...

I'm so excited for you!

aola said...

HooRay for Erica!! Congratulations on the job but most of all congratulations on taking the reins of your own life.

Kristen said...

Exciting times...

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