Friday, June 8, 2007


I anticipate a few more posts like this one, each one a little more declarative, less tentative.

When we moved to Tulsa, I felt like i was turning in my real thesis, the one i have been working on without knowing, the one about My Life.
It seemed to me that i had acquired lots and lots of information and had plenty of evidence to support my thesis:
I know what is best for me, i know i want to move, i know the world, though not perfect is not so harsh that i cannot take this risk.

I also know that my life is My Homework, My Assignment. I know that i am meant to live it governed by my faculties, making my own mistakes so that i can also fully own all my triumphs.

In the end analysis, this road isn't about my dad and how bad he is. It is about how i see things, how i see the world. I don't see it as rigged, in totality, against me. I don't see rootedness as my immediate goal, though one day i hope to God to get there. I see different commodities as more immediate necessities. I think that is okay, valid, even if my dad's way really works for him. I conjecture that my way is what will work for me. More than one right answer, a thesis is about supporting your views.
the past three years have been about acquiring the perspective and experience to support my own views. they are different, slightly bohemian and sometimes a little bit radical. they will change over time. But i will not sell-out, whole-sale style, to someone else's views ever again.
I am committed to myself. I am committed to myself.

So when i set out for Tulsa, it was turning in my Life's thesis: I was ready to be graded on my own work. I literally said to the Universe, Here i am: Support Me in This Trajectory or Slit my Throat. Like that was the subtitle.

Two weeks ago I got a call from the company i want to work for.
I got the job.
They want me there in a month.
aye yai yai.


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