I am in San Antonio, right now, sort of bunkering down in my life. I am pretty sure i passed my comps, now i am to write the Dreaded Thesis.
I get a lot of Starbucks these days, out of necessity. I have been tired more days than not and the caffeine makes all the difference. I have started associating the lattes with "treating" myself, which i find humorous. I guess in the way of vices and splurges, a latte is a relatively tame choice.
have you had their new hazelnut hot chocolate? it's a revelation and i never call things "revelations."
my life has been profoundly interesting these days, to me anyway. I have become totally free, through some rather complicated experiences, from my father-figure issues. Some of those experiences, you have read about right here and others I am not sure what to do with. My relationships with God, Chris, my dad, and literally every important male friend has changed, in what feels like a short amount of time. but the truth is that is has been long time coming, no?
A former self, a sweet girl, rather dependent, is giving way to some strange current incarnation I hardly know at all. The best thing about this metamorphosis is that i deeply trust myself now.
(i am aware that you are not excited about Obama, but i am. i am not even sure why I am. i think it has more to do with Potential and less to do with my personal investment in Obama. I think he could do great things, and that feeling, that hope, i love it.
Although, i am far from being sure that he will do great things.)
Being away from Chris has been a gift, one that i think he has given me. As a recovering co-dependent (*wink,wink*) I had often envisioned my spending time away from my husband. This time has been one in which i face myself, a rather dark side, and asked myself whether my life was one i truly identified with: not one i believed in, but one i lived in, one which represents the Truth as i am it.
It turns out, mercifully, that it is-- my life is the one I belong in.
And i am so grateful to Chris for his patience and faith in me, which isn't dependent on the answer to those questions being what it SHOULD be. I could be any incarnation of myself and Chris would respect it.
my respect and appreciation for him have grown huge.
it is far from any definition of perfect, but
i love my life.