Sunday, April 6, 2008

sneaking it in

I have to be at work in tweny-five minutes and my hair is crazy, cray-zay. I am still in my pjs. I am listening to Andrew Bird's Plasticities catching up on bloggies.

I want to send Becks a shout out: I didn't completely understand, maybe even misconstrued, your last post. I didn't mean to, but i know one of the best things about this blog thing is being comprehended. I usually feel i do comprehend you. so, i re-read it all, i think i get it now.

for me, the worst thing about being Pulled, is that in the struggle, in the ways it works out in my head and in my home, i often forget that i am being pulled by things i love and want and need. I need Judah and Chris and i need school, i need to work, for the challenge and i need these moments, in front of the computer, listening to Sarah McLachlan's Blackbird, and generally feeling like myself, in my life. feeling present and feeling forceful for the day ahead. I want to be be myself, a wife, a mother and a student. all of it, but the challenges sometimes get so gnarly they only feel like struggles.

still, still, what else is worth spending all my energy on?

2 comments:

Becky said...

gawd, i love you.
thanks for this.
and yes, yes that is what I was trying to say -- being pulled on all sides by all i love.

i was being touchy -- i live with all men, work with all men, and they often impose meanings on me while trying to understand -- makes me hypervigilant. sorry.

Lizzie W. said...

My motto for the moment is: Just do it, even if I don't want to. Do it an reap the rewards. Success breeds success. Inactivity gives birth to nothing. Things get gnarly, yes, but your life is RICH.

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