Lately, i have been letting the dominoes fall. I pushed them initially, but i knew that once I did, it would be too late to stop the reactions.
Leaving San Antonio this time was just that, the push of a domino that i knew would cause a hundred more to fall.
They are falling, the details are coming together, in just exactly the ways that Chris and I thought they would. He saw some things happening more clearly than i did- he said he suspected for more than a year that my dad would hit him. He gets that stuff, the stuff that has to do with seeing through people and into what they really mean and what they might do.
I am good at looking upward and inward. I look at God and i look into myself these days and i try to bring what is inside into harmony with the melody i hear God humming...such a different tune than i thought i would hear.
Chris and i are really different people at this juncture, but we are miraculously in sync- we're coming to the same conclusions in completely different ways.
i am so grateful for this, and in gratitude, i look upward.
I leave this Saturday for a week of training and i will be staying with a very dear friend and her family. I am looking forward to having the time to myself, without Chris and Judah, to establish familiarity at work--without distraction. But i haven't been away from either one of them for so long since before Chris and I were engaged.
It won't be easy and it feels kind of like a big deal.
i Like who i am becoming, as a result of that push of the domino- as they fall around me, they force me into a very narrow space where i can't be anybody but myself. It is stressful, but it's the right kind of stress.