Monday, June 16, 2014

streams of consicousness

Nap times, deferred.
I am sitting here listening to  Ruth Ann Swenson, the opera singer, and trying to tune out the whining of Julia Noel, the two year old.

It's humorous. 

Back in her crib, Camilla, the three month old is also trying to nap. There's precious little "success" around these parts these days.

These days, I really worry about my scholarship. I really do. Because I can't get to it. It's so far away from me.  I am so tired.

And this detachment makes me worried.  I expect a less than stellar end of the year review.  It's to be expected, but I am still dreading it.

I know lots of less productive souls in my graduate department, who do not have me Extenuating Circumstances. So, I think it is best not to freak out and figure out how to get to the work.


I am so tired.

Anyhow, things here improve steadily.  My sister and I have been closer lately.  I feel I can see her perspective more often than not and this has never been the case before!  I start to beat myself up less.

I am not scared of an upcoming move: possibly even across the country to a new place.  I welcome that change. Though New Jersey has been good to me, so I should just be gracious. But still, the people here are all, "stay in your own lane" kind of people. It hurts the Texas in me.

Father's day was low key but still special. Chris is working so hard on the daily to be a good husband and father. It has helped me relax some, but now it is also kind of inspiring me. =)

I saw a dear friend over the weekend and her sweet baby daughter, who is four and almost five years but was still the best surprise for Julia, though only 2, who can't get enough people and playdates.

We're moving in less than a month.

It could be to across the street and into a slightly bigger apartment.  That would be an easy if uninspiring move, but I could live with it just fine.  I have loose ends here that could be tied up better with a little more time (hello exams...)

I'm 35. Sometimes just thinking that is a smack in the face.  I hope not to feel this way at 65. I can't deal with life going this fast....
it's too precious.
I need it to slow down, just a little.

I need to take it in.

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