Sunday, January 24, 2010


The time, it gets away from me.

Where was I? Oh, yes. The resolutions.

My biggest resolutions are psychological, and already under way.

In the past I have conceived of myself on a road that God has mapped out for me. Lots of people have a hallmark, sentimental version of this idea, but for good reasons, I was thoroughly convinced that only God could understand and map out my life. this led to bad things like: no goal setting, sense of powerlessness, depression and anxiety, no sense of personal responsibility for my own life and even sometimes, my own decisions. I was, in a sense, a sophisticated puppet.

for 2010, I have decided to give this up. I have been thinking this way for approximately seventeen years. yikes. Now, whenever I think of any possibility, I consciously refrain from thinking about it as possibly in or against God's plan for my life. I do not think that, if it is, then it will magically happen. I do not think there is nothing I can do to influence the outcome.
I have to rethink everything.

Seems like it should be exhilarating. But i suddenly feel really sleepy.=)


R said...

Yes.Yes. Yes. I've given that up, seeing "the plan" as one of the great depressions of my life. Three years into life without "the plan" and it feels like I am truly alive and living more ethically.

E. Michelle said...

i'm dramatic by nature, so "the plan" made some sense to me...and it freed me to be really courageous, because life seemed less real-- more like a movie?
but over time, it drained my creativity, my energy. one month into my detox and i already feel much more alive.

R said...

Yes. Yes. Again. Like I was in a novel, a scripted existence with a fabulous ending . . . but, like you said, I used it to abdicate responsibility for my life . . . it's amazing to me, now. I have no excuse for it, either. I wasn't raised in church. I did adopted "the plan" mentality at the ripe age of 20, much to the confusion of my parents.

maryh said...

i don't think i ever knew that's how you really felt. i feel a bit surprised. and why haven't we talked in over a month? let's fix that soon.

Sandra said...

Oddly enough I grew up in church but never subscribed to "the plan". I could never bring myself to believe that this was all scripted and I was powerless to change anything.

This resolution is a good one.


Related Posts with Thumbnails