The time, it gets away from me.
Where was I? Oh, yes. The resolutions.
My biggest resolutions are psychological, and already under way.
In the past I have conceived of myself on a road that God has mapped out for me. Lots of people have a hallmark, sentimental version of this idea, but for good reasons, I was thoroughly convinced that only God could understand and map out my life. this led to bad things like: no goal setting, sense of powerlessness, depression and anxiety, no sense of personal responsibility for my own life and even sometimes, my own decisions. I was, in a sense, a sophisticated puppet.
for 2010, I have decided to give this up. I have been thinking this way for approximately seventeen years. yikes. Now, whenever I think of any possibility, I consciously refrain from thinking about it as possibly in or against God's plan for my life. I do not think that, if it is, then it will magically happen. I do not think there is nothing I can do to influence the outcome.
I have to rethink everything.
Seems like it should be exhilarating. But i suddenly feel really sleepy.=)
love.
LinkWithin
5 comments:
Yes.Yes. Yes. I've given that up, seeing "the plan" as one of the great depressions of my life. Three years into life without "the plan" and it feels like I am truly alive and living more ethically.
i'm dramatic by nature, so "the plan" made some sense to me...and it freed me to be really courageous, because life seemed less real-- more like a movie?
but over time, it drained my creativity, my energy. one month into my detox and i already feel much more alive.
Yes. Yes. Again. Like I was in a novel, a scripted existence with a fabulous ending . . . but, like you said, I used it to abdicate responsibility for my life . . . it's amazing to me, now. I have no excuse for it, either. I wasn't raised in church. I did adopted "the plan" mentality at the ripe age of 20, much to the confusion of my parents.
i don't think i ever knew that's how you really felt. i feel a bit surprised. and why haven't we talked in over a month? let's fix that soon.
Oddly enough I grew up in church but never subscribed to "the plan". I could never bring myself to believe that this was all scripted and I was powerless to change anything.
This resolution is a good one.
Post a Comment