Resolutions

I love the idea of making resolutions. I love the concept of changing for the better. Past New Year's Days have seen the perfect storms of my idealism, my optimism, perfectionism and naivete. I have, like many of you, resolved to lose hundreds of pounds, if you add them all up. I have channeled Oprah to envision my best life. I have tried to nurture my inner Martha, but have born her much false witness: yes, i will be cooking organic homemade meals all year long.

This year is a little different. I am a recovering secret-perfectionist. At thirty, I know too much to be considered naive, and not nearly enough to be considered really knowledgeable or wise. I have a few strengths, but lots of weaknesses, and this certainly puts a damper on my resolution-making zest.

Still, I remain idealistic and optimistic. I still want to be the best version of myself possible, even though I am unsure what constitutes "best." I still think that the world is what we make of it; a rosy-glasses, half-full kind of girl. Kind of woman.

And I am newly appreciating that how I spend my time is really all up to me. So for the next few days, I will be writing out my resolutions and their rationale. I mean to take them as seriously as I take myself. which is to say, somewhat, and to a point. I can laugh at myself, and in the end, i can laugh at these resolutions too, even if they whip me. hey, even that will be kind of funny.

Happy New Year. Happy 2010.