fun!

Some things that I have been thinking about:

tonal by ericasw featuring Marni

Ladies, above you see Things I would Love to Wear in Boston.

And that is NOT ALL! I have been worrying because I got invited to interview for a job but I haven't heard back from the lady who invited me, though I tried to contact her back. Ladies, my ladies, I need THIS particular job. Can you cross your digits? (#2 fun thing: hope and possibility).

3rdly, back to fun stuff:
I love me some Austen, the books and the movies, and although I also love Gwyneth Paltrow, faults and all, her Emma isn't exactly the reason she has an Oscar, right? So I am excited to know that Romola Garai (RAHM-eh-lah garry, i think) is the BBC's newest Emma, which is set to air this fall. I loved Ms. Garai in "I Capture the Castle." I think she is as underrated as Zooey Deschanel is, well, overhyped, though I admit she is darling. Romola here, she has acting karate chops, she is a blackbelt in acting and she reminds me of Kate Winslet. That says a lot, no?


4thliest:
Feast your eyes, darlings, on my new favorite music: The Bird and the BEE! They have three albums, one self-titled, one that is just a baby collection of five songs called Please Clap Your Hands, and their latest Ray Guns Are Not Just the Future. I am super-picky about music, like your friends' kids who will only eat chicken nuggets and jello, so I cannot be called discriminating. I am just bad-sad-picky. it is so rare that I like any cd all the way through, but I love Ray Guns a lot. So I created a Pandora radio station around The B&B, you know about P-dora, right? My friend Tiffany (hi Tiffany!) introduced me to it. It plays music it thinks you will like based upon another designated like. (I like my Coldplay station even better than I like Coldplay-- it plays tons of Keane.) okay, well I must LOVE b&b all the way through because my b&b station is my new favorite. it plays Jem and Lily Allen and Stars and Kate Nash and Imogen and Regina Spektor. Pandora sang me my new favorite song, by the Bird and The Bee from their little Ep -- it is a cover of the BeeGees "How Deep is Your Love." I already LOVED THAT SONG. the bgvs sounded DIVINE, so i googled to find out who sang them. they are by Sia Furler. I have hearted Sia Furler for a long time. So the song is like musical christmas for my ears. Bird and Bee are on Blue Note. That's some pretty tasty chicken nugget, yes? And doesn't she look amazing?

5thly: We are going to begin a major reading tradition when we get to Bahstun. We're going to go through the Harry Potters and the Narnias and the Lord of the Rings. One of my favorite things about Chris is how he can read anything convincingly and entertainingly. Judah is so, so lucky. Which should we start with first? The best thing will be watching the movie each time we finish. Since there are so many books in these series, Judah will probably graduate from highschool right before we're finished.

Ever been drawn to someone and you don't know why? it is that way with me and Ann Patchett. Sometimes when I was waitressing and it got hard on the psyche, i would comfort myself by saying, " Ann Patchett was a waitress." It worked. I liked ann patchett before I read her, before I read Truth and Beauty, where she broke my heart and made me laugh. I just finished bel Canto this summer. I died of love for it. I am reading the Patron Saint of Liars this fall. I will make the time. It is my number 6 fun-thing.

(hey Becky! when i read Ann, i want to be you-- becoming a writer. Sometimes I am nice to myself and make us both writers in my head. and we're friends in real life there- in my 'magination.)

Six is enough for me!
love~

Religion

I am in Boston and it has been lovely. Really lovely. It isn't like other places i have lived and i think i will be different here, i tend to adjust to my surroundings. I expect that i might inhabit Boston, not just live here.

We also envision being here for a long time, maybe five years, all of Judah's elementary school education (that would be six years, really) are possibly going to be spent here. It seems like an awfully expensive place to spend five years. But if I get into a great phD program here (in religion), then... well, we will SPEND six years here.

(Chris is getting ready for work and he looks fantastic. All the walking around has done him good.)

Today is my last day here, until September. Judah starts school on the 15th, so I am hoping to be here by the 7th, maybe even the 1st. I am still looking for a job. It is kinda scary.

I have been at points, so many points, like this before. I almost always miss my life's train, it seems. Last night we were waiting for the train and I got all caught up in reverie and I was staring out into the distance while everyone else was getting on. doesn't that seem impossible? to be so entranced at a subway station? Chris turned to me and called me and I snapped out of it, followed him onto the train.

I am a dreamer, but i have been so easily contented with just dreaming. dreaming is what i do, it is what i know, it is safe and familiar and wonderful. and my particular kind of dreaming has no connection to reality. I never expect for my dreams to come true

Chris isn't that way. He isn't about to dream away his life. He is angsty about doing something with it. In this way, i feel he is religious--spiritual-- if you will, about his life. He means to live it.
but it always becomes a crisis for me, that he wants to progress toward his dreams. It requires me to snap out of it.

I wish i could tell you how hard this is, how hard it has been, how being taken from my dream-world feels so threatening, wrong even.

My responding, my snapping out of it, it is my religion at its best. It is my being my most brave, most trusting, most sincere. I always worry about it, for my self, stretching so hard-- but then I reflect that for me, it is a matter of faith. and in my life, I want to be a risk-taker. I want to have meaningful faith.

I mean to move to Boston.

This I Did Not Know:

Wild Geese by Mary Oliver

Wild Geese
by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

from Dream Work by Mary Oliver

I lust, I list.

1. Cakebread Cellars! I love their merlot. yum!
2. Matthew Trent's fleur de Lis ring. Yeah, I know. Maybe never. But. . . maybe Someday?
3. I always loved this dress. Wanted to get married in it. Was out of my price range! Still love it. It's Reem Acra.
4. New favorite blog: This is Glamorous. love it.
5. Bought these earrings for myself on my birthday and I love them and wear them all the time.
6. Have you ever tried Leonidas chocolate? I had it on my honeymoon in Paris and found it in Santa Monica! Yum.

Judah and Chris

I am always talking about myself, so i thought i would share that:

Judah is five and is really tall and most days he is a little bit chubby. I just got his haircut at a place called Cool Cuts4 Kids and it makes his cheeks even more prominent.
Today we ate lunch at Luby's and he eschewed the dessert-- even the jello that comes with the kids' meal-- because he wants to be faster at soccer and eating healthier helps that.
It made me cringe a little-- i don't want him battling with food issues psychologically; it makes me hopeful because I don't necessarily want to set him up to battle his weight either. I guess it is like this, for everyone, trying to keep balance on this issue is hard.

Chris is doing alright In boston. He works longer hours than he wants to but overall, it is definitely a place he loves. He starts Berklee next month.

I am doing swell. i have some good news, career-wise, nothing huge, just a little conference I get to speak at at the end of the month. I will tell you all about it, after the fact.

love and peace.

Intentionality

I didn't mean to abandon this space for more than two months. It has been a busy two months, emotionally, I have been all over the map, off the map, really, and none of it belonged on this blog.

It is new for me to restrain myself, to keep secrets or just to consider what is appropriate. I have been a very open person and I am not so much any longer.

Tomorrow I turn thirty years old and I don't feel at all old. I know thirty isn't old, I know that, but I am surprised by how young it feels, how I still feel at the beginning, the very beginning of knowing myself.

I am
coming to the end of my paper. it is due on April 6th.
visiting Kristen this month in Portland. It is my birthday treat to myself to take myself on a trip by myself. self self self.
only five pounds heavier than I really want to be and for me this is in the grace margin, so I feel pretty good!
$800 into therapy and feel that every dollar has been worth it.
watching American Idol and in love with Adam and Matt Giraurd.
going to post again, tomorrow, on my birthday.


not the same girl i used to be. at all.

in the near future

I will wear something like this.

peacock by ericasw