To answer CV's question

I do think that there are fervent UUers. I am still working this out, on paper, but i suspect that, much like Judaism, UU is a "religion"primarily of practice, or praxis- if you want to get academic about it.

So in both, and there is scholarly research to support this grouping of the two together, the emphasis is on doing Right (v. believing the right thing: doctrine).

of course, Judaism is monotheistic and dogmatic in ways that would make UUers sick.

Still, UUers live by 7 principles and the first is that all beings have worth and should be respected. I feel sure that no UUer worth any salt would convert to a hateful regime.

IN the research i did after i posted, I read that UUers are practicers of a Different Religiosity. They are quite different from traditional religions. For example, UUers as a set value spiritual growth highly, but value "Salvation" so lowly that it almost qualifies as a disvalue.

not your mama's Faithful, now, huh?!

Did i mention i love this stuff?

and the winner is

i attended the 9 am service of Naperville's fine Universalist Unitarians.

I am about to hammer out the first draft of my paper, which is for psychology of religion. My prof, who happens to be my age, wants to us to evaluate the religion in terms of what it has to offer, psychological appeal.

It is fairly obvious to me that Universalism is appealing in that it allows one to maintain an openness to others and their ideas. Universalists are committed to religious pluralism- and doesn't that sound awesome right now?

Really, wouldn't it be amazing to be able to give everyone and everything the Benefit of your religious and existential doubt? how peaceable, at least in my mind! Without dogmatic commitments, one is free to "learn". the only responsibilities that UUism places on its followers are ones that any mature adult would gladly take on: to care for the earth and for others, to pursue knowledge and spiritual growth. For real, if that is all there is to it, i am practically UU.

Except.

there is an exception. I happen to think that choice and commitment mean saying no to somethings while also saying yes to Something Else.

UUism never had this choice! It can be anything to anyone, it can synthesize any religious belief. And i have to say that this strikes me as such:

to be everything and anything to anyone and everyone is to be no thing at all.

but that is just my initial thought....

9:48.

today i signed myself up for a long overdue root canal. that i have known that i have needed one for more than three years is balanced out by the fact that i am not in pain yet, so my upcoming surgery is, for all measures and purposes, preemptive and therefore a sign of my developing practicality and good sense.

straws are grasped.

I have a major paper due, two really, but one is so much more major that it eclipses the other, both are due April 16th. Today being the eighth means that i should already be panicked but i can't muster it and panic rarely helps.

future crisis foreseen.


Judah is coming down the stairs to remind me that he has no intention of letting me be on my own for fifteen minutes together.

Blog is abandoned.

sneaking it in

I have to be at work in tweny-five minutes and my hair is crazy, cray-zay. I am still in my pjs. I am listening to Andrew Bird's Plasticities catching up on bloggies.

I want to send Becks a shout out: I didn't completely understand, maybe even misconstrued, your last post. I didn't mean to, but i know one of the best things about this blog thing is being comprehended. I usually feel i do comprehend you. so, i re-read it all, i think i get it now.

for me, the worst thing about being Pulled, is that in the struggle, in the ways it works out in my head and in my home, i often forget that i am being pulled by things i love and want and need. I need Judah and Chris and i need school, i need to work, for the challenge and i need these moments, in front of the computer, listening to Sarah McLachlan's Blackbird, and generally feeling like myself, in my life. feeling present and feeling forceful for the day ahead. I want to be be myself, a wife, a mother and a student. all of it, but the challenges sometimes get so gnarly they only feel like struggles.

still, still, what else is worth spending all my energy on?

how does your garden grow?

I've been different lately, disconnected and quiet and wistful. i've been restless and bored.

I can't seem to get away from all my roles and my people, I can't seem to be by myself and i think it is what i need, though by this point, it would kind of be unpleasant, i think. it is like a hunger gone too long unfed that you are nauseous. you don't necessarily want food.

i don't feel like doing any one thing. i don't feel like myself and yet there is something pretty familiar about this feeling. i feel fussy and this room is a mess.

But, maybe,

there is more than the blahs to this blah. I have been wondering at myself the past week, wondering where i think this is leading and seeing myself at not too special, not that gifted, not that smart. why do i think i will get into a good Ph.D program? why?

And at the same time, i know i have talent, it is just that i can see that so do many other people. many others, just in my classes, and there must be so many others with better qualifications that i have not ever met.
i have remembered a life before i was trying to make something of myself, a life in which something was made of me, and i have been wistful for the ease and entertainment of it.
i am wanting to hide from my life right now.
but instead, i am going to read two chapters from Invitation to the Psychology of Religion.
Try not to be jealous.

Oh Sweet LORD!

Thank God I didn't miss it!

Okay, Kristen, you are becoming a mother everyday! I bet you look so cute.

For your mind, a metaphor. You are visibly pregnant and it becomes more and more defining. You were teensy pregnant, then visibly pregnant, now definingly pregnant. It is probably the first thing that people notice about you now. But what is happening inside you is so much more profound than what can be seen with an eye.

So is motherhood itself. It will change everything about your day and all your decisions. But the change in your heart and soul will be so much more. you will be changed in your fundamentals.
Your very fiber is different, you're blessed. Welcome to it, i am always here if you need...

Kristen, you will be a great mother to Alyssa. On this point, there is no doubt. you will bring your thoughtfulness and consideration to the role to be sure and your practicality. your good sense, not so very common, will be to Alyssa's great benefit.

For your darling girl, a blessing: That her heart would beat strong in her ears, that she would truly know herself, live thoroughly and well, succeed in making wise and good plans which then materialize into a wise and good life. That she would comprehend her blessings, that her struggles would strengthen her, that she would have laughter.

Alyssa: Welcome to the world, our world, your world.

love to you on this becoming...
Erica


I got you a couple petit bateau onesies. so yummy.

Maybe it is like this right before something cool happens

We spent most of our day, me and Judah, in the city. God, a city has energy to it, for sure, and Chicago's energy is energetic. Yep, i meant that. There is a steady, strong pulse to Chicago. The wind from the lake is its breath, cold and strong. Chicago is alive.

We ventured up to the skydeck of the Sears Tower which is an expensive thing to do, when one considers $21 parking for 65 minutes. I usually cringe about things like that, but i am learning to let go and enjoy the more expensive moments. You don't get anything for them if you fail to enjoy them.

I really enjoyed being with Judah in the city, being with him on the streets. We ran and whooped and hollered about being in Chicago, about being among its people and its crazy tall buildings. It was so nice to do it- to be with Judah and thrill him. To thrill him is pretty thrilling.

We watched the History Channel short on the construction of the Sears Tower and Judah enjoyed it. He also thoroughly appreciated our friend's classical guitar concert last month. Yeah, i am trying to say that he, my offspring, is smart.

Really, it doesn't strike me as smart when i see him do these things-- he strikes me as really old for four years, one month. At 48 lbs and 44 inches i believe that is above 95% -- out of 100 kids his age he is bigger than at least 95 of them. He is big and memorizes lots of things and tells me off sometimes.
A tiny teenager in lots of ways.

Judah, if you ever read this one day, I want you to know that i miss you as a baby. I miss your babyhood. seems a tragedy that it had to end. you are always so beautiful to me though, even now, i am always thinking what a gorgeous little jerk you are. That these days with you are the ones i would buy back at any price, though they are tedious and stressful in many, many ways and i know that it is best for all of us to keep evolving, still you tempt me to stay right where we are. It is a good thing i have no say in the matter...because you might be four forever.

So now that i got that out...

i'm off to bed.